Happy New Year!

Excuse the long absence from blogging. Feb flew by. I worked a little, relaxed and recovered. We were lucky enough to vacation in Floridia for almost 2 weeks. The beach was beautiful. I swear swimming in the salty gulf helped me heal. I felt like it was a doctor's ordered healing get away (reading Nicholas and Alexandra and the doctors like to tell the to go to the Black Sea for the cure - smart doctors).

I had my last MRI for a year today. It was uncomfortable to lay still for 45 minutes. The pressure on the incision is still very uncomfortable, but no big deal. The MRI showed no signs of Herb or his unwanted cousins. Great news for us. The New Year starts today. I can start exercising and start back to work.

I'm still having visual seizures, so I have to stay on meds for at least 3 more months. Then I'll have an EEG to see if my brain is exhibiting seizure activity. Dr. Ferriera wants to wait 3 months for the test to give my brain a little more time to heal. So worst case I'm on the meds long term....best case only 3 months. Luckily it seems like the majority of the side effect (insomnia and scary dreams) have stopped.

I'm lucky and so thankful for my good news. I know too many people fighting for their lives or watching their loved one's fight. Its humbling to realize that from today forward this is becoming a memory of a fight that I fought and won surrounded and supported by amazing family and friends. For all you out there in your own fights, my love and prayers are with you. I'll never give up hope.

Giddy

Andy and I are sitting here feeling so giddy and happy about today.  We had a doctor appointment and found out the tumor was most definitely benign.  So, now I'm in the clear to resume normal activities.  Such a relief!  We went out for a celebratory brunch at the Coastal Cafe on Capital Hill.  Since I still can't drink, I induldged in the most amazing french toast with mascrapone cheese and hazelnut cream syrup and a side of bacon for balance :).  So amazing! 

I am still tired from the surgery and insomnia from the meds, so I plan to slowly ramp up to "normal."  I spoke to my doctor today about the insomnia and he said that he believes it's actually being caused by the combination of the steroid and seizure medicine.  Since, I'm almost done with the steriod, it should be getting better.  Apparently, this is a pretty common side effect.  So, I'll be patient, keep picking good books and movies to while the night away and remain grateful that I have the time off to get through this.

Andy is sweetly sitting here as I write tonight.  He is exhausted - I think we will both sleep peacefully tonight.  Good dreams for all.

Normal activity - walking and moderating chocolate start tomorrow!

LONG Update and Braids

I must start by apologizing.  I honestly lost track of time.  My friend, Brandi, reminded me to blog today and I was really surprised when I logged on now and saw that I had not blogged since I was still in the hospital.  Not sure what that says about my recovery or not.

Let me assure you the recovery is going well.  It's slow and steady, which is positive.  I'm not terrific at sitting still, so I've definitely had the blues at times.  Last week I had two bad days and finally just decided to succumb to the tears.  I always forget how far those tears get me toward accepting my limitations and processing all of the emotions I've been able to "handle/stall" because I was on a mission to get through January 20th. 

Herb is gone and I'm healing up.  The surgery went very well according to the surgeon.  He did have to remove a portion of the tumor from the inside of the sinus vein.  An MRI/MRV the night of the surgery confirmed that he removed it all!  The initial pathology report (done during surgery) indicates that the tumor is benign.  They are in the process of completing a more involved pathology now and we should have results soon that confirm the initial diagnosis. 

The tumor had also caused a little swelling of my auxcipital lobe (right eye).  While still in the hospital I started having visual seizures.  These consist of a portion of my right peripheral vision that looses color.  The rest of my vision is not impacted.  The neurosurgeon put me on a seizure medicine and I've had a couple since I came home, but they generally only last 10 - 15 minutes.  I'm hoping I don't have to stay on this medicine for long because it causes insomnia and terrible dreams.  Remember earlier posts where I was daydreaming about sleeping???!!!  UGH!  It's not all bad, I'm reading lots of great books.

I want to say thank you to everyone who came and visited me in the hospital.  All the visitors meant so much to me.  I loved the treats, magazines, company, foot rubs, and hair brushing!  You all spoiled Andy and me.  Thanks also for all the food we have received.  My girls have not complained about a meal since the surgery - I'm starting to get self-conscious about my cooking skills since most meals I cook result in someone crying (either Delaney or Andy).  Hmmmm?

Tomorrow I'm going in to have the staples removed.  I am so excited to be able to really brush my hair again.  I've been rocking the braids for a week.  The girls love it. 

I promise more tomorrow.  I have lots of thoughts to share :).  Thanks for continuing to keep me in your thoughts and for checking in everyday.  The calls and texts are keeping me sane.

Love you all!

Herb is History

So glad to report Herb has been evicted! Things are going well in recovery. I moved out of the ICU yesterday. I miss the marvelous nurses there. They were truly phenominal.

I'm on an acute care ward and resting and walking well. Before I head home I need to tackle the stairs and shower. The pain also needs to be manageable and I feel like I'm getting there. Pain Meds every 4 hours instead of 2. Still pretty worn out, but feeling so much better.

Try to write more later and definitely tomorrow.

Thanks again for all the love and support.

Delaney's blog

She is going to type this and share her thoughts:
i'm 6.  i am delaney.  i love mom.  mom loves me.

Big Sigh

The weather is not helping anything!  I guess Herb is teaching me to roll with the punches, but I'm sure Andy and I don't need any other factors to add to our anxiety about tomorrow.  I'm counting our blessing despite the weather.  We still have power, so we are warm.  My mom is here watching the girls, so we know they will be okay tomorrow.  Katie watched the girls this afternoon, while we went to chip my mom out of her house and bring her over, so we are lucky to have such wonderful friends.  We have heard from lots of friends today wishing us love and sending prayers.  Thank you! 

The hospital called and we are still on for surgery tomorrow at 8:00.  We have to check in at 6:00.  I've got my fingers crossed that because we have to be there so early that the roads will be clear or at least not very crowded. 

Looking forward to Saturday.  Thank you for the great send off party last night.  Thanks also to all my friends who were not able to join us, but who drank a toast to the end of Herb.  I loved it.   A great friend gave me an Eviction Notice for Herb - its in the hospital bag and ready to be posted on my hospital door.  I'm sure it will get a lot of laughs and smiles from the great folks who will be taking care of me. 

Thanks for all the blessings.  I'll do my best to post on Saturday and Andy plans to text people once I get out of surgery.  Keep all the thoughts coming our way!  Calm, steady, Andy could use the most tomorrow - he has the tough job.
Love to you all,
Steph and Andy

Success

The angiogram went well yesterday. The doctor was unable to embolize any blood vessels because there were none to glue. That is not good or bad. It's just a fact. The best news is that the tumor is not affecting the sinus vein so this will make the surgery next Friday. A little easier.

Thank you for all the calls and texts. Also. Thank you Jenny for visiting and for milkshske - it was awesome. It made 6 hours go by fast. Andy was a rock. Its as much of a relief for him as for me to be through this first hurdle.

First Hurdle

The first hurdle is the angiogram on Wednesday, January 11.  I'm nervous.  Mostly I'm nervous about making it to 1:00 pm without coffee!  That's a big deal for me - as most of you know :).  I gave up coffee during both of my pregnancies, but Herb hardly seems worth that sacrafice - even for one day.  

It will be a relief to be past the first hurdle.  I'll be most relieved for Andy.  He has the hard job of sitting there waiting and wondering for two hours.  The procedure is supposed to be at 1:00 (but we aren't too hopeful that it will be on time).  I am anxious just thinking about him because if the roles were reversed.....

I think we are prepared for this first procedure.  I'll be in the hospital overnight, so I doubt I'll blog tomorrow (I've got to get my bag packed and I want to write a note to our girls) or Wednesday.  I hope to post a short blog on Thursday to let folks know how it went and what they were able to ascertain about the tumor's inclusion in the sinus vein. 

Brandi organized our first food delivery today.  We put a bunch of meals in the freezer from friends at work.  It's so wonderful.  I'm overwhelmed with gratitude to our friends and family.  Thank you so much for your generosity.  You all are gifts that we treasure.  My mom and the girls will be thanking you all as they dig in to the first meal on Wednesday. 

I'll blog something on Thursday to let you know I'm home.  I guess I have to take it easy for a couple of days.  I'll take any movie or book recommendations.

Love you all!

Metal Head - Just the Facts

Andy was very excited to find out that after the surgery, I will officially be a metal head.  I think he wants to believe that along with the titanium screws and plate, the neurosurgeon will replace my love of easy listening with butt rock :).  I'll never get the 80's out of my husband.  I love it.

This email contains the facts about my upcoming procedures.  I have a really wonderful neurosurgeon.  He doesn't seem to be getting tired of the questions I email him every day.  In fact, he always answers within a couple of hours.  It's so comforting.

On January 11, I'm going in for an embolizing angiogram.  I check into the hospital at noon and go in at 1 pm for the angiogram.  The procedure will take between 1 - 2 hours.  They use a scope to map the blood vessels servicing the tumor and also verify how much the tumor has included the sinus vein.  During the procedure they will embolize (glue) any blood vessels they can, so that the neurosurgery is easier.  After the procedure, I have to lay flat on my back for 8 hours and will spend the night in the hospital.

On January 20, I go in for neurosurgery.  This lasts approximately 5 hours (or as long as it takes to safely remove the tumor).  Dr. Ferreira said not to be alarmed if it takes longer and that he will have his assistant call Andy every couple of hours with updates.  I have to check into the hospital at 6:00 am - jez!  I think I'll have Andy take the computer so he can send updates to family and friends.  The doctor won't have to shave my head.  He makes an incision, cuts away my skull, removes the tumor (this part is tricky because of the sinus vein), then puts it all back together with titanium screws and plates. 

Recovery will occur over the next 6 weeks.  I'll be off and taking it easy for 2 weeks at home and then will slowly ramp back up the full time over the next 4 weeks. 

That's the facts as I know them. Tonight for the sake of sleep, I've decided to live in the logical mind.  Tomorrow I'm sure I'll drift back to the emotional.

My Mini Marathon

People keep asking me what my new years resolution is.  I don't want to come across as pessimistic because my nature is that of an optimist, but I actually didn't make a resolution this year. That's a first for me.  I always make a resolution, even if its silly.  The winter after Andy I moved back from Chicago, I wanted to prove how tough the mid-west winters had made me, so I resolved not to wear anything but my raincoat that winter.  I think I made it to mid-February - longer than some of my resolutions :). 

Since it feels pessimistic for me not to resolve to change something this year, I decided on New Year's Eve, as I was reflecting on this upcoming year, that I would celebrate my new year on March 7, 2012.  I plan to make my resolution then, post-Herb.  Maybe we will even have a party and drink champagne.

As we get closer to the surgeries, my thoughts are jumbled and distracted.  My mind won't turn off and I feel like it's running a marathon.  I typically crawl out of bed after an hour to make tea and read.  Andy and I are getting prepared and feel all the wonderful support. 

I'm at peace with our decision, just ready to move beyond the unknowns attached to this.  The engineer in me has always been able to solve for the unknown and maybe this is one of the important lessons I will learn through this journey.  Unknowns don't have to be the scary place on the edge of the map.

Thanks again for all your support and comments.  It means so much to us.

The Itinerary

That sounds so hopeful and exotic.  That's what the neurosurgeon team calls this process.  I would like to have the neurosurgeon plant a memory of Andy, the girls, and I adventuring for 2 weeks in Fiji (Alexandra you're taking the pictures) while he is in there!

Here's the itinerary for my surgery, as I understand it:
January 5th:  MRI and complete pre-op physical
January 11th - 12th: Angiogram to embolize the blood vessels that feed the tumor (I guess they use glue to do this - I think I'll take some of Delaney's scotch tape with me just in case)
January 20th - 25th:  Surgery and hospital recovery
January 25th:  Home to recover!!  I plan to take 2 weeks completely off from work and then ramp up to full-time over the next 6 weeks.  There are so many unknowns, so this is the ideal schedule.  However, as my children have so graciously taught me over the years, schedules/plans are made to be disrupted/changed/broken/waylaid, but everything typically works out for the best in the end. 

In the end (March 7), I intend to be resuming life as we knew it pre-Herb.  I imagine there will be changes, good and bad.  I don't kid myself that we can get through this unscathed.  But honestly, as we begin this journey I know I've got good people supporting me and my family and that puts my heart and mind at ease.  I'm so humbled.  This sounds so sappy, but you all have turned on my Heart Light (I hope you hear Neil Diamond swelling in the background as you read this :)).  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  I love you all. 

I'll be at Harborview Medical Center in Seattle.  I definitely welcome visitors. 

That's all for tonight.  I was lucky to have acupuncture and a massage today, so keep your fingers crossed that I close my eyes and drift right off to sleep :).  I miss sleep immensely - that's one of the pre-Herb pleasures I'm looking forward to enjoying again soon!  Although, it's interesting to live the night life for a brief period, late night shopping on QVC is not an addiction I wish to develop :).

The Discovery

"Who is Herb and why is he doomed?" 

"Herb" is a meningioma (benign brain tumor).  Herb has been slowly growing on the left side of my brain for a couple of years, although, we just discovered it during an MRI on 12/10/2011.  I decided to name the tumor Herb because it was totally uninvited, will end up being a significant event in our lives, but we hope it will be a distant memory soon. 

Here's a brief history of how we learned about Herb.  In August, I got a headache on the left side of my head.  I've always been prone to headaches, but these were different.  I started seeing my doctor about these headaches.  We tried drugs including Alieve and indomethacin.  Neither worked and the indomethacin (a strong anti-inflamatory used commonly to relieve arthritis) made me loopy and intensified the headaches.  I tried accupuncture and massage.  Nothing could get rid of the headache for more than a 1/2 day or so.  It was frustrating.  I have not been able to run or do yoga since August.  Finally, in early December, the doctor ordered an MRI. 

The MRI went fine.  I'm not uncomfortable in tight spaces or bothered by loud noises (as anyone who has met Andy and the girls know).  I equate the experience to having my head stuck in an unbalanced washing machine with Christmas music playing in the background. 

On 12/12/2011, my doctor called to tell me about Herb.  December is Andy's busy season, so when the doctor called at 6:30 pm I was trying to get Delaney and Ellery ready for bed.  The doctor's news flustered me so much that I hung up on him twice!  He called back after each hangup and Delaney got Ellery ready for bed, including getting her diaper on and teeth brushed.  Such a lovely gift.

Telling Andy the news is the hardest thing I have ever done.  I just didn't want to say the words outloud.  I didn't want to hear myself telling the person I love the most the awful, scary news.  Andy was amazing, he just absorbed the news, held me as I cried, and assured me that we would get through this.  The best part is he is right. 

That night I found out as much about menigiomas as I could.  Since 12/12/2011, I've been to see two different neurosurgeons and have considered all the different treatment options.  The odds are stacked in my favor.  The neurosurgeon is 99% positive its benign.  Its about the size of a golf ball and its not irritating my brain tissue at all.  After collecting all the information we could, Andy and I decided with our neurosurgeon, that surgery is the safest, most effective option for me.  Herb has included the spinal vein, so that complicates the surgery a little, but my neurosurgeon, Dr. Ferreira is a a vascular neurosurgeon at UW Physicians.  Andy and I think we have a great team working with us.

I hope to use this blog to keep people in the loop and set everyone's mind at ease about this bump in the road. 

That's all I have the energy for tonight.  I am hopeful that 2012 will see the end of Herb.

Thanks for all your love, support, friendship, and good thoughts.
Love,
Steph